An Advanced Look Into The Depths of Seifer's Mind
by The Herald of the Star
Summary: A look into the mind of Seifer... how he feels about love and so forth... okay, probably not too much about love in here...


Seifer's Mind  
  
  
  
  
  
Seifer never liked Squall. Or anyone for that matter. He liked to do things his way.  
To abide by his own rules. No one would stand in the way of his objectives. But yet  
he felt so empty. So cold on the inside. His pain went unknown to all who met him.  
All they saw was the cold, harsh reality that was Seifer. No matter how hard he tried,  
he knew he would never be able to change.  
  
It was cold, hard times like this that made Seifer wish he had someone, though.  
  
  
  
  
The dark clouds hung suspended over the rainbow night and Seifer watched them  
with an ever growing curiosity. The hotel was their only refuge now. He had traveled  
the mountains with Squall, Rinoa, Zell, and the Lady Quistis to find a reward offered  
for the recovery of a stolen orb. Seifer didn't give a shit why the orb was so damn  
important, he only wanted to get the money.  
  
He eyed Quistis as she sat down on the couch. Squall was cleaning his gunblade, and  
Zell was not in the room, most likely sleeping, because that was a skill held very  
coveted by Zell himself. Seifer didn't give a thought to where Rinoa was-- she was a  
pain in the side to him most of the time, following him around like a little girl follows  
her older brother.  
  
Quistis looked beautiful. Seifer hated having feelings for her, but he couldn't help it.  
He just wanted to take her and...  
  
He pinched himself. Get over it Seifer! she isn't the one for you!! He grumbled a bit  
and went over to the balcony. His glossy eyes stared out into space. He had no idea  
where he was going. His life had become so puzzling, he had no clue as to what was  
next. It was quite confusing.  
  
Rinoa bounced into the room, straight over to Seifer. Squall's eyes burned. Seifer  
didn't even need to turn. He knew it was her.  
  
"Hiyah, Seifer! How are you?" she asked in her abnormally perky voice.  
  
"None of your damn business," he replied coldly, hoping she would eventually leave  
him alone.  
  
  
"Oh! You seem a little grouchy. Someone needs a back rub," she smiled as she slid her  
hand around Seifer's shoulders and pressed up against him.  
  
"Don't touch me." Seifer had a way of breaking up the mood. Rinoa stared up at him  
with puppy dog eyes, looking like she was about to cry. Seifer rolled his eyes. "Get  
away. Maybe you can find a lake or something to jump into."  
  
"Kay!" yipped Rinoa, skipping down the hall and out of Seifer's view. Seifer held a  
confused expression on his face.  
  
Squall walked over to Seifer. "What the hell did you say to her?" demanded Squall as  
he yanked Seifer closer by his coat.  
  
Seifer didn't change his face. "I told her to leave me alone. And guess what? She did."  
  
"Don't you try anything, Seifer. I'm watching you." Squall murmured as he went to  
his room.  
  
Seifer followed Squall with his cold eyes. That bastard didn't even realize how much  
he despised Rinoa! What a buffoon! No matter, Seifer was to bored to be angry. He  
felt like taking a walk through the gardens on the ground floor.  
  
  
  
  
The blackened sky had yet to yield from its current space of stormy weather. Not a  
hint of rain had yet to appear, though. Seifer's mind wandered over the current  
situation as he strolled down the cement path leading through the garden.  
  
"Seifer! Seifer!!"  
  
A voice was coming from back in the garden. It was slightly muffled, and Seifer had  
no other recourse than to investigate. He slowly crept through the garden, hiding  
behind the foliage, until he reached the origins of the noise.  
  
Rinoa smiled at him. He stumbled backwards. "Rinoa? Why the hell were you  
yelling?" Seifer growled as he stared at the way-too-perky young girl with contempt  
flowing through the entirety of his almost bursting veins.  
  
Rinoa's smile grew wider. "I was going to go for a swim. Do you wanna come in with  
me?"  
  
"Uh... no. Besides, I never carry a bathing suit on trips."  
  
"Well, why should that stop you?" Rinoa asked shyly, sliding her finger up and down  
Seifer's chest.  
  
He stared long and deeply at her. He finally realized that she just could not take a  
clue. He sighed. "Why are you doing this?"  
  
Rinoa bent her head down and began to twiddle her fingers. "Because... well.... I... I  
sort of... uh, you see.... I sorta... I li... I li... I.. I... I like you."  
  
Seifer groaned. He knew this would happen. Rinoa was as fragile as a plate of china.  
He didn't want to break her. She was an asset to the team, despite her personality.  
He looked back at her, at those sweet, little girl eyes and that warm smile. Was he  
actually feeling... pity? Pity for this girl, who by now should have realized that he  
wanted nothing to do with her?  
  
Seifer wavered. "You like me? Well, that's a, umm, surprise(He's lying). I had no  
idea(Lying again)."  
  
Seifer was in trouble. He didn't know how to let her down, but not break the spirit of  
his teammate. He shook his head. This was so not like him. Why was he showing  
compassion? No matter. Maybe there was a way to turn the conversation.  
  
"Rinoa, what do you say we go upstairs? It's much too cold to go swimming anyhow."  
  
Rinoa looked up at him, her eyes shining with that hope that lights up a girl's eyes,  
and said "Okay."  
  
  
  
  
Seifer walked into the main space of the hotel room, Rinoa holding close to him. he  
was confused as to what he was doing. He needed to get out of this. But something  
wouldn't let him.  
  
The main room was empty. Seifer assumed that Squall and Zell had gone to their  
room to sleep and Quistis had gone to hers. Quistis. Seifer's mind dwelled on her face  
for an instant before returning at the sound of Rinoa's yawn. "Seifer... umm," she  
began to blush bright red. He smiled at the sight. So precious. So incredibly innocent.  
He couldn't help but be nice. Now he could see why Squall liked her so much.  
  
"Let us sit down," Seifer remarked as he led her to the couch. She sat down, and he  
sat down next to her.  
  
Rinoa, still blushing, rested her head on his left shoulder. He looked at her through  
the corner of his eye. Spontaneously, his arm slid around her. Her eyes popped open,  
and she looked at him suddenly, the tint of her face growing redder by the minute.  
  
Seifer's mind was in a blur. What the hell was he thinking? He was holding Rinoa,  
though he hated Rinoa. This was so strange. He couldn't... it wouldn't be possible...  
was he.... was he falling in love with Rinoa?  
  
"Seifer," whispered Rinoa shyly. Seifer looked at her. She looked beautiful in the  
light. Seifer couldn't resist. Leaning in, he pressed his lips against Rinoa's and kissed  
her softly. She kissed him back. To them, it seemed like hours passed holding that  
one kiss. Then, facing the warm glow of the fireplace, they fell asleep, Rinoa with her  
arms around Seifer.  
  
  
  
  
As the world slowly appeared before him, Seifer stared groggily at the ceiling. He felt  
odd. Then it all came back to him. His eyes snapped open. He looked down. Rinoa  
had her head resting on her shoulder while she snored quietly. One of her hands was  
around his shoulders, and the other had fallen... down. He moved it and slowly got  
up, laying Rinoa on the couch. She didn't wake up.  
  
Seifer was stunned. He couldn't believe that he had done what he had done. Why  
was he nice to Rinoa? At least he didn't do anything he'd... regret. He walked into his  
room and changed clothes. When he came out, Quistis was making coffee. He walked  
up to her.  
  
Quistis turned around. "Seifer. What a pleasant surprise. I trust you had a fun  
evening with Rinoa?"  
  
Seifer gulped. So she knew. That wasn't going to help him get her. "Uh... Quistis, you  
gotta understand, I..."  
  
Quistis turned her head. I understand perfectly. Don't let me stand in the way of your  
picture perfect relationship. If you want a bitch like her, that is."  
  
Before Seifer could reply, Rinoa strolled into the kitchen and wrapped her arms  
around Seifer. He looked at her and then back at Quistis. She didn't look very happy.  
Then she changed her face. "Rinoa. How are you? Pardon me, I was just leaving." She  
pushed Seifer as she walked by.  
  
Seifer thought of going after her, but decided to let her cool off. Rinoa tugged on his  
jacket. "Seifer, why don't we go for a swim?"  
  
Seifer cringed, thinking of his predicament. He needed to think. "You go ahead. I'll  
be down in a bit."  
  
"Kay, Seifer. I'll see you down there in five!" she laughed softly as she ran down the  
hall to her room.  
  
Seifer sat down on the couch. He held his head in his hands. Then he felt an arm on  
his shoulder. It was Squall, no doubt.  
  
"Seifer! Did you do anything to Rinoa?" he asked, which is what he asked Seifer each  
morning as soon as he woke up.  
  
"No. But she said she was going for a swim and she wanted you and Zell to come  
with."  
  
"Really? Yes!! I knew she knew how much I cared!! I'm gonna go get Zell and  
change!" he yelled as he ran down the hall.  
  
"Loser."  
  
  
  
  
Rinoa shouted as she dove into the pool. Squall swam back and forth in the pool,  
while Zell paddled his feet in the water at the edge. Seifer watched them all do their  
childish things. He was rather embarrassed about getting in the pool. He preferred  
having a shirt on.  
  
Quistis emerged from the elevator, carrying a towel in her hand. Seifer stared. She  
was wearing a small, thin silver bikini. As she walked by he tried to talk to her.  
  
"Quistis. I need to talk to you about what happened this morning. It wasn't what you  
think."  
  
"I know exactly what happened, Seifer. You found what you were looking for. A girl  
who will give you what you want when you want it."  
  
"That's not it at all. I-" He halted in mid-sentence as Quistis shoved him into the  
pool. He made a huge splash.  
  
Rinoa spotted him and swam over. "Hey, sexy. How are you?"  
  
"Wet."  
  
"Then why don't we get you out of those trunks?" she smiled as she grabbed his  
swimsuit. He grasped her hands and held them up so she couldn't grab anything.  
  
"No. What's wrong with you? Are you some horny little girl who can't seem to keep  
her hands off me?"  
  
"Yes," replied Rinoa in a sweet little voice.  
  
"Well, why don't you go have sex with Squall or something?"  
  
"Oh Seifer, he just isn't man enough for me."  
  
"That's it," remarked Seifer as he crawled out of the pool and began to dry off.  
  
"No! Don't go!" begged Rinoa as she hopped out of the water and followed him as he  
walked toward the elevator.  
  
Seifer turned around and took a good look at Rinoa. He couldn't help but gaze into  
her eyes. "Rinoa," he started, "I don't love you. You just don't have the depth I need  
to go on. I'm... I'm in love with Quistis."  
  
Rinoa looked heartbroken. But her expression quickly turned to anger. "You jerk!  
How did she fool you into falling in love with her?! Ohh, I'll get her back, that bitch!  
She can't fool me! I will win you back, Seifer! Mark my words!" And with those final  
words, she stormed upstairs and into the hotel room.  
  
Seifer stared at the window of the room for a moment. "Weird."  
  
  



End file.
